The NOT Market

The NOT Market

The psychosis of this market has reached new heights. It’s just astonishing to me. For four years 0916-gaynow, we have eased ourselves into the warm bathtub of central planning and multi-trillion dollar make-the-rich-richer intervention. Everyone has grown so accustomed to it that it seems totally normal now.

This weekend has launched a new level of the bull-ghey, as we have our second example this month of the market rallying not on something that happened, but on something that didn’t. I did a post on September 3 commenting on how our not bombing Syria was the reason for the market’s rally. Today most equity indexes made their highest levels in the entirety of human history based on one flatullent, fatuous man not throwing his hat (I thought of something funnier, but it would be politically incorrect) into the ring for the Fed chairmanship.

Thus, I humbly offer more good reasons that the bulls could conjure up to propel us to yet new record highs, because God knows, if there’s one industrial powerhouse that we need to safely usher into a successful IPO, it’s Twitter. So here we go:

  • 0915-yellenBen Bernanke will not perform his press conference this Wednesday in a pink chiffon dress, thus maintaining the decorum and respectability of the Federal Reserve;
  • Janet Yellen will not accidentally release her sex tapes (which, strictly speaking, aren’t videotapes but are black and white footage from an 8mm camera she and her husband spirited into the bedroom back in 1971);
  • Joe Biden will not appear in blackface at the next State of the Union address, thus avoiding an uncomfortable atmosphere within the legislative chamber which would act as a suppressing pall on the republic

Keep buying, America. You have surrendered all your senses.

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